Sunday, February 27, 2005


Okay, so the Academy Awards are over, I'm bummed Passion of the Christ and Finding Neverland didn't win any of the big awards, and it is time to confess: I have written my acceptance speech.

Now, you're probably wondering how one can write an acceptance speech for an award for which one has never been nominated, and in a field in which one does not even work. Simple: I am really good at pretending.

There was a very, very brief time in my high school years when I considered majoring in theater. (Hilarious since I only ever tried out for one show because I was always so embarrassed and shy.) I am also an avid fan of "Inside the Actor's Studio" and LOVE watching behind the scene documentaries on filmmaking. I even subscribe (shame on me) to US Weekly. This is all because one of my dream jobs is to be a film actress. Did I mention I already have my answers lined up for James Lipton's famous questionnaire? I guess it's not surprising then that my first novel deals with Hollywood.

Dan and I had the privilege of being filmed for two sets of commercials. (Yes, if you've seen those, you've most likely seen us.) I'd never been on a soundstage before, never been filmed before, never seen myself on TV before. (Well, I don't count the 700 Club segment they did on my dad when I was in junior high and I'm running around playing catch in this awful hot-pink winter coat.) I LOVED IT. I *loved* having someone fuss over my hair and having someone put make up on me. (I do such a slapdash job of it myself that it's always shocking, in a good way, to see it done well.) I loved having three people evaluate the outfit they'd put together for me and then try this, no this, no this jewelry.

What probably made it totally awesome, though, was the fact that Dan, being the brilliant man that he is, told me as we watched another couple get interviewed before us, "They need sound bites--answer their questions but be short and to the point. It's too hard to edit down five minutes of rambling." And since we got to watch this couple go first, we knew what questions to expect, and actually worked a little on our answers before getting up there. And it worked! They loved us. They even did a whole commercial with just us, and then filmed our wedding to use in more commercials (although they never did).

But let me tell you: when that little light went on above the camera, and they asked me my first question, I was in my element. Even when I fumbled my words or drew a blank I didn't get all twittery and nervous like I usually do. I couldn't get enough of it. I was so sorry to be done. And when they called us a few months later to see if we'd do a follow up commercial now that we were married, I couldn't wait!

I've been thinking about taking a script-writing class, because obsession with being an actress aside, I love movies and, obviously, love writing, and how cool would it be to combine the two!? But I must admit there's a little crumb of me that wants to write a movie for myself, write the role I'd love to play, and then find a way to cast myself in it.

Will it ever happen? The chances are so small my calculator won't compute them. But nevertheless, I will continue to polish my acceptance speech.

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