Sunday, March 06, 2005

Trouble me

Ever hear that song by 10,000 Maniacs?

Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries. Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.
Speak to me, don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling; there's no telling where it starts or how it ends.
Speak to me, why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me when your silence is my greatest fear?
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me.
Let me have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning.
Please don't hide them just because of tears.
Let me send you off to sleep with a "There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.
Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling.
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm.
Lastly, let me know what I can mend.
There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see.
Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me.


I thought of this song when I found out Laurie had drown herself in Lake Michigan. A suicide letter was found in her car yesterday. I've had my brushes with suicide--not with myself, but with friends--and the one thing I've learned is that there's no way a non-suicidal person can understand what's going through a person's mind when they've gotten that deep in their despair. But even if you don't "get it," that doesn't mean you can't still help. No one knew Laurie was suicidal, no one knew she was depressed. If only she had opened up to someone, she might still be here.

To all my friends: trouble me. I'm begging you. Don't ever, ever, ever think your pain is of no interest to me. And don't wait until you're considering letting go of the knot at the end of your rope.

Laurie, you are so missed. I'm just relieved to know you're in the arms of Jesus now, and that every pain that drove you to this unfathomable depth is gone.