Sunday, March 06, 2005

Trouble me

Ever hear that song by 10,000 Maniacs?

Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries. Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.
Speak to me, don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling; there's no telling where it starts or how it ends.
Speak to me, why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me when your silence is my greatest fear?
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me.
Let me have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning.
Please don't hide them just because of tears.
Let me send you off to sleep with a "There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.
Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling.
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm.
Lastly, let me know what I can mend.
There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see.
Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me.

I thought of this song when I found out Laurie had drown herself in Lake Michigan. A suicide letter was found in her car yesterday. I've had my brushes with suicide--not with myself, but with friends--and the one thing I've learned is that there's no way a non-suicidal person can understand what's going through a person's mind when they've gotten that deep in their despair. But even if you don't "get it," that doesn't mean you can't still help. No one knew Laurie was suicidal, no one knew she was depressed. If only she had opened up to someone, she might still be here.

To all my friends: trouble me. I'm begging you. Don't ever, ever, ever think your pain is of no interest to me. And don't wait until you're considering letting go of the knot at the end of your rope.

Laurie, you are so missed. I'm just relieved to know you're in the arms of Jesus now, and that every pain that drove you to this unfathomable depth is gone.


Cheryl said...

stumbled onto your blog by searching for sites with info on laurie boncimino. i was up in chicago this past week and was struck by laurie's story. and your posting really put words to many of my thoughts. so i thought i'd say thanks.

lisa said...

Oh how horrible, Alison. I'm saying a prayer right now.

Greg Boncimino said...


Thanks for sharing your words. As you know, I am Laurie's oldest brother (Greg Boncimino). I'd like to thank all of you for your condolences and prayers. These last 11 days have been the most difficult in our lives, but the concern and support from friends and extended family has been overwhelming.

We've updated the website today with a summary of the funeral service and links to the two videos we played during the service. Please go to:

Also, we plan to expand the site as a resource for those who may also be troubled by suicidal thoughts. Keep checking for further updates.

Using a forum such as this to deal with our immense sense of loss is a very good thing to do. Please continue to do so.

Thanks again for your prayers.

P.S. If you'd like to reach me directly, you can send email to since I cannot guarantee I'll be back here to check up in the near future.