I was lying in bed last night, praying, when I had a revelation. I'm not sure if I can put it into words, which isn't good when you're a writer, but in a nutshell, I realized that God is....big.
Now, before you say, "Duh!" here's the thing. Of course I know God is "big," in the sense that he's all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-everything but what's bad, and that gives Him a certain "big" stature to us. We don't imagine someone with all that God is being 4'9". But I think that I've "known" God for so long that He stopped being big to me. When I pictured Him I inadvertantly pictured the Jesus aspect of Him, and that shrank Him to human size in my mind. What's that line from the Genie in the Disney "Aladdin" movie, something about the biggest power in the universe, in a itty-bitty living space. He was kind of like that to me. Lots of power, small package that I could get my head around. But then last night, as I was praying, I got this sudden vision of God being like the sun: so big that, even millions of miles away, He's huge in the sky.
It's a bit like the concept of love. We toss the word around so much that, by the time you find yourself faced with a person you really and truly LOVE with all the facets that the concept entails, the word dribbles, powerless, off your tongue. Suddenly this word that should cause you to swell with emotion, to melt with pleasure, has no more oomph to it than the plainest, most ordinary word in the language, and even though the concept behind it is so intense, you have no way to convey it. So you say it over and over, thinking maybe you can pile it up and increase its potency, but instead you're just exacerbating the problem. Soon you've said it so much it's lost all meaning.
I think that's what happened to me and God. After 23 years of faith, after thousands of Sunday school stories and youth group meetings and Bible studies, God became commonplace. The idea of God creating the universe--did you hear me? CREATING THE FREAKING UNIVERSE-- held no more mystery or majesty. The fact that He managed to multiply two fish and three loaves of bread to feed more than 5 times as many people as attend my church is about as awe-inspiring to me as the fact that dirt plus water equals mud. How pathetic.
So anyway...I'm lying in bed, praying, and suddenly I saw Him staring down at me, patiently listening to my prattling, and I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by His existence. Overwhelmed by His strength. Overwhelmed by the privilege I have to speak directly to Him. This gigantic, enormous, massive power, this God that can speak solar systems into place and call all the stars by name and keep track of every sparrow all at the same time...this God sees me, hears me, listens to me, and speaks to me. And I, miracle of miracles, am allowed to see, hear, listen, and speak back.
Oh yeah, and He loves me, too. Me. Loves me.
Oh boy. Slow down. One mind-bending concept at a time...
And so we come to the end…
7 months ago