Saturday, March 19, 2005

Clubs We Don't Want to Belong To

There are certain experiences which tie us together with random people all over the world, creating fragile camaraderies and initiating us into unofficial clubs. For example, I belong to the Broken Bone Club (membership first received with a broken wrist in 1979, renewed in 1986 with another broken wrist and again in 1989 with a broken thumb), the Pastor's Kid Club (initiated 1989 when Dad joined Willow Creek) and the International Traveler Club (joined 1994 with a trip to London; renewed 1996 and also gained membership into the sub-club of Those Who Have Lived in Another Country). Three Saturdays ago--although, with all that's happened these last few weeks, it seems so much longer than that--I joined a club I've always wanted to join: the Pregnant Women Club. But on Thursday my membership was revoked, and I was initiated into a club I'd rather have not joined: The Thwarted Pregnancy Club.

My particular pregnancy turned out to be hardly a pregnancy at all: all the support systems were in place, but no baby ever formed. The technical term is a Blighted Ovum, and the typical cause is abnormal chromosomes. Thankfully, this does not indicate an ongoing issue; it is apparently a very common occurrence, and according to my wonderful doctor, there's no reason why we should have any trouble getting pregnant again.

Technically I was not-really-pregnant for just over 5 weeks, and I only knew about it all for two of them, but let me tell you, it doesn't take long to get very, very excited at the possibility of having a baby. (At least, not when you've been wanting one for as long as you can remember.) So, as you might imagine, I've been a mess for a week now as blood test after blood test showed levels too low and issues aplenty. But God is so, so good. He's been telling me from the beginning that this wasn't going to work, and I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd only listened, but it did prepare me for Thursday's meeting with the doctor and hearing the news. And even though I sobbed--and I mean, really sobbed--when I got home, I really was okay. As the old song says, "It is well with my soul." I expected to be a lot more shaken up than I am. God has soothed my emotions and given me hope that I will be back in the Pregnant Women's Club again someday.

1 comment:

Heather Diane Tipton said...

Alison, I found your blog through seeing your comment on Ragamuffin diva's blog. So I decided to surf on over. Already commented on several of your posts. I think, your blog has made it to my most read list.

I'm so sorry about your pregnancy. I could insert all the normal platitudes here, but I'm sure you have heard them all and are tired of them so, I will just say I'm praying for you.